| Re: Can't Cycle after Spill
"Elisa Francesca Roselli" <Elisa.Francesca.Roselli@quadratec-software.com>
wrote in message news:401643E8.E5B65F8@quadratec-software.com...
> I'm very upset about this.
>
> I mentioned that last Friday, riding a bike with recently upgraded
> brakes that I was unused to, I had my two first falls in traffic. I was
> unhurt both times, and conscientiously got back in the saddle both times
> immediately, because I was afraid of going phobic.
>
> Unfortunately, by the time I took Behemoth out to go to work on Monday,
> phobia had well and truly set in. I was unable to start the bike up the
> initial hill from my home. I wheeled her to a flatter section on a
> secure bike path, and was able to start. But then I was unable to start
> on another uphill and had to wheel her into work. On arrival, I was
> shaky and weepy.
>
> By evening, I was unable to start at all. Simple paralysis. I cannot put
> that initial pedal down and let go of the brakes and move. After
> wheeling her home I tried starting on the easier Myrtille, in the
> security of the underground parking where there is no traffic, no
> weather, and completely flat conditions. Same result: complete paralysis
> at startup. My brain says "Go on, you can do this", but my body just
> will not respond. I can no longer ride a bike.
>
> I'm particularly worried because about ten years ago I abruptly lost the
> ability to mount an escalator. Unlike this occasion, it was not the
> result of an accident, but to this day escalators are such an issue to
> me that I have to go out of the way on my trips on the Paris metro to
> avoid them, and cannot use certain shops that have no elevators or
> stairs. I am sometimes able to get on an up-escalator (never a down),
> but it takes so long, and so much psych-up, and raises blood pressure so
> high, and keeps so many people waiting, that it is no longer worth it.
>
> Every time I think about biking now I have an anxiety attack, and I had
> anxiety dreams about biking all last night. I was delighted with a
> weather warning of black ice conditions because that gave me an excuse
> to come to work on foot and just not face the bikes today. (In fact, the
> morning was warm and there was no ice or snow). All the pleasure has
> gone out of it.
>
> Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of situation? I'm at loss
> what to do. I think this weekend I shall have to go back to the very
> first thing I ever did on a bike: put the seat way down to kiddie-height
> and try to balance her downhill without pedalling. But I trust neither
> bike: Behemoth is too difficult overall and Myrtille really needs to
> have her brakes softened before I will risk her again.
>
> EFR
> Depressed in Ile de France
>
I have never responded to one of your posts before (most of my thoughts were
better expressed by others), but I have followed you bicycle exploits since
you first started posting. Apparently, that is also when you started
riding. Your posts and the threads they started have been interesting and
informative. It is nice to see someone ask beginner-type questions and get
respectful answers. It must be your style which is open and honest. I
would miss you.
More unfortunate, would be your missing out on the joy of riding a bicycle.
If it's no longer a joy, for whatever reason, don't torture yourself. If
the reason is addressable, then do something about it. I have a fear of
heights. Since all of humanity has respect for heights, it's not easy to
distinguish an irrational fear from a healthy respect. But I know what I
have is more than healthy respect. My phobia is easy to live with. Not all
phobias are like that. Some deprive people of joy. I hope that's not you.
Ride on, if you can,
Don
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