| Re: Club rides that were rejected
Mike Kruger wrote:
> I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new
> ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas
> that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other
> ideas?
>
>
> Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch
> Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase
> and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is
> great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on
> this ride!
>
> Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett
> This ride visits various sites where club members have had
> accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks
> are still there on the road!
>
> Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red
> This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette,
> allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring
> European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or
> shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant.
>
> So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride?
>
> P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club schedule
> from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which?
>
>
How about:
Tour de Major Arterial: A selection of very busy roads frequented by
trucks, buses, emergency vehicles, and commuters in a hurry. Route will
include numerous railroad crossings, traffic lights. No regrouping, dark
clothing only. Fenders not required in case of rain. Ride leaves 4:30PM
or whenever, lights not required after dark. Use of the f-word to talk
to passing motorists will be required and prizes awarded for originality.
Stockyard Ramble, Hog Farm Hejira, or Pulp Mills Perambulation: Enjoy
not only the sights and sounds, but the smells of cycling scenic and
odiferous roads. We'll be stopping for a lunch of red beans and rice,
chili dogs, and garlic paste because by then who cares what everyone in
front of you is doing. Frequent regroups and stops at the sleaziest
bathrooms we can find. Clean shorts optional.
Lung Tasting Tour: Drop it into the big ring and hammer hammer hammer
out of the parking lot. Bring your scabs and your attitude. Special sag
vehicles will run stragglers off the road. Inclement weather will move
ride to local sports bar, where there will be continually arguing over
who would have ridden whom off their wheel at Smuggler's Notch. Custom
bicycles only please.
Recovery Ride: Just getting back from an injury, riding like you are, or
maybe just looking for a little sympathy? This is the ride for you.
Easy pace allows for conserving breath for whining whining whining. No
complaint is disallowed, one-upsmanship will be graded. Rider with the
worst proven injury and most obnoxious complaint will be given a gag at
the end of the ride. Visible open sores cancel.
|