| Re: Club rides that were rejected
On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 23:17:15 +0000 (UTC), William Asher <gcnp58@yahoo.com>
wrote:
>Mike Kruger wrote:
>
>> I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new
>> ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas
>> that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other
>> ideas?
>>
>>
>> Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch
>> Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase
>> and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is
>> great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on
>> this ride!
>>
>> Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett
>> This ride visits various sites where club members have had
>> accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks
>> are still there on the road!
>>
>> Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red
>> This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette,
>> allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring
>> European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or
>> shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant.
>>
>> So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride?
>>
>> P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club schedule
>> from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which?
>>
>>
>
>How about:
>
>Tour de Major Arterial: A selection of very busy roads frequented by
>trucks, buses, emergency vehicles, and commuters in a hurry. Route will
>include numerous railroad crossings, traffic lights. No regrouping, dark
>clothing only. Fenders not required in case of rain. Ride leaves 4:30PM
>or whenever, lights not required after dark. Use of the f-word to talk
>to passing motorists will be required and prizes awarded for originality.
>
>
>Stockyard Ramble, Hog Farm Hejira, or Pulp Mills Perambulation: Enjoy
>not only the sights and sounds, but the smells of cycling scenic and
>odiferous roads. We'll be stopping for a lunch of red beans and rice,
>chili dogs, and garlic paste because by then who cares what everyone in
>front of you is doing. Frequent regroups and stops at the sleaziest
>bathrooms we can find. Clean shorts optional.
>
>
>Lung Tasting Tour: Drop it into the big ring and hammer hammer hammer
>out of the parking lot. Bring your scabs and your attitude. Special sag
>vehicles will run stragglers off the road. Inclement weather will move
>ride to local sports bar, where there will be continually arguing over
>who would have ridden whom off their wheel at Smuggler's Notch. Custom
>bicycles only please.
>
>
>Recovery Ride: Just getting back from an injury, riding like you are, or
>maybe just looking for a little sympathy? This is the ride for you.
>Easy pace allows for conserving breath for whining whining whining. No
>complaint is disallowed, one-upsmanship will be graded. Rider with the
>worst proven injury and most obnoxious complaint will be given a gag at
>the end of the ride. Visible open sores cancel.
All in favor of naming William to Activities Director say "Aye."
Ron
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