| Re: Club rides that were rejected
"William Asher" <gcnp58@yahoo.com> wrote
<a bunch of good stuff>
Thanks.
in message news:Xns95EF9B5E51B9EFkldeltaC@140.142.12.140...
> Mike Kruger wrote:
>
> > I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the
new
> > ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride
ideas
> > that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other
> > ideas?
> >
> >
> > Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch
> > Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to
chase
> > and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which
is
> > great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist
on
> > this ride!
> >
> > Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett
> > This ride visits various sites where club members have had
> > accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid
marks
> > are still there on the road!
> >
> > Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red
> > This route winds through the brick sidestreets of
Wilmette,
> > allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those
spring
> > European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain
or
> > shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant.
> >
> > So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride?
> >
> > P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club
schedule
> > from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which?
> >
> >
>
> How about:
>
> Tour de Major Arterial: A selection of very busy roads
frequented by
> trucks, buses, emergency vehicles, and commuters in a hurry.
Route will
> include numerous railroad crossings, traffic lights. No
regrouping, dark
> clothing only. Fenders not required in case of rain. Ride
leaves 4:30PM
> or whenever, lights not required after dark. Use of the
f-word to talk
> to passing motorists will be required and prizes awarded for
originality.
>
>
> Stockyard Ramble, Hog Farm Hejira, or Pulp Mills
Perambulation: Enjoy
> not only the sights and sounds, but the smells of cycling
scenic and
> odiferous roads. We'll be stopping for a lunch of red beans
and rice,
> chili dogs, and garlic paste because by then who cares what
everyone in
> front of you is doing. Frequent regroups and stops at the
sleaziest
> bathrooms we can find. Clean shorts optional.
>
>
> Lung Tasting Tour: Drop it into the big ring and hammer
hammer hammer
> out of the parking lot. Bring your scabs and your attitude.
Special sag
> vehicles will run stragglers off the road. Inclement
weather will move
> ride to local sports bar, where there will be continually
arguing over
> who would have ridden whom off their wheel at Smuggler's
Notch. Custom
> bicycles only please.
>
>
> Recovery Ride: Just getting back from an injury, riding
like you are, or
> maybe just looking for a little sympathy? This is the ride
for you.
> Easy pace allows for conserving breath for whining whining
whining. No
> complaint is disallowed, one-upsmanship will be graded.
Rider with the
> worst proven injury and most obnoxious complaint will be
given a gag at
> the end of the ride. Visible open sores cancel.
>
|