| Re: Club rides that were rejected
Tour de Thunderbird. No vineyards or tasting rooms on this two-wheeled
adventure. Instead, we'll cruise the industrial part of town, stopping
at several of the club's favorite drive-through liquor stores to stock
up on Cheetohs and top off our "water" bottles. Cycling apparel
discouraged; suggested attire is early Salvation Army. And make sure
those handlebars are in the fully upgright and locked position (that's
right: bar ends to the sky, folks!). We'll be collecting aluminum cans
along the way to fund the post-ride malt-liquor blowout, and you'll
need someplace to tie on your 50-gallon plastic bag to hold the booty.
Sorry, no sag support; we don't have any licensed drivers left in the
club. Meet at 9 am Sunday at the blood bank on South 2nd street.
Little Debbie Season Opener Out'n'Back Training Ride. Break out the
Relaxed Fit spandex, sling on the feedbag, pump up the tires to 135
psi, and lets' roll! We'll meet at Dunkin Donuts, go hard (5-7 mph)
for 4 miles, regroup at the Golden Corral for the Sunday Brunch
All-You-Can-Eat special, and then head back to the starting point. Make
sure you bring a couple of sleeves of Archway cookies to avoid the
dreaded bonk. All the sag wagons will have plenty of Gold Bond powder
and baby oil on hand to ease the discomfort of those early-season
chafed inner thighs.
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