Can't Cycle after Spill

01-27-2004, 01:56 AM

I'm very upset about this.

I mentioned that last Friday, riding a bike with recently upgraded
brakes that I was unused to, I had my two first falls in traffic. I was
unhurt both times, and conscientiously got back in the saddle both times
immediately, because I was afraid of going phobic.

Unfortunately, by the time I took Behemoth out to go to work on Monday,
phobia had well and truly set in. I was unable to start the bike up the
initial hill from my home. I wheeled her to a flatter section on a
secure bike path, and was able to start. But then I was unable to start
on another uphill and had to wheel her into work. On arrival, I was
shaky and weepy.

By evening, I was unable to start at all. Simple paralysis. I cannot put
that initial pedal down and let go of the brakes and move. After
wheeling her home I tried starting on the easier Myrtille, in the
security of the underground parking where there is no traffic, no
weather, and completely flat conditions. Same result: complete paralysis
at startup. My brain says "Go on, you can do this", but my body just
will not respond. I can no longer ride a bike.

I'm particularly worried because about ten years ago I abruptly lost the
ability to mount an escalator. Unlike this occasion, it was not the
result of an accident, but to this day escalators are such an issue to
me that I have to go out of the way on my trips on the Paris metro to
avoid them, and cannot use certain shops that have no elevators or
stairs. I am sometimes able to get on an up-escalator (never a down),
but it takes so long, and so much psych-up, and raises blood pressure so
high, and keeps so many people waiting, that it is no longer worth it.

Every time I think about biking now I have an anxiety attack, and I had
anxiety dreams about biking all last night. I was delighted with a
weather warning of black ice conditions because that gave me an excuse
to come to work on foot and just not face the bikes today. (In fact, the
morning was warm and there was no ice or snow). All the pleasure has
gone out of it.

Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of situation? I'm at loss
what to do. I think this weekend I shall have to go back to the very
first thing I ever did on a bike: put the seat way down to kiddie-height
and try to balance her downhill without pedalling. But I trust neither
bike: Behemoth is too difficult overall and Myrtille really needs to
have her brakes softened before I will risk her again.

EFR
Depressed in Ile de France

01-27-2004, 03:33 AM

"Elisa Francesca Roselli" <[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]>
wrote in message news:[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]...
> I'm very upset about this.
>
> I mentioned that last Friday, riding a bike with recently upgraded
> brakes that I was unused to, I had my two first falls in traffic. I was
> unhurt both times, and conscientiously got back in the saddle both times
> immediately, because I was afraid of going phobic.
>
> Unfortunately, by the time I took Behemoth out to go to work on Monday,
> phobia had well and truly set in. I was unable to start the bike up the
> initial hill from my home. I wheeled her to a flatter section on a
> secure bike path, and was able to start. But then I was unable to start
> on another uphill and had to wheel her into work. On arrival, I was
> shaky and weepy.
>
> By evening, I was unable to start at all. Simple paralysis. I cannot put
> that initial pedal down and let go of the brakes and move. After
> wheeling her home I tried starting on the easier Myrtille, in the
> security of the underground parking where there is no traffic, no
> weather, and completely flat conditions. Same result: complete paralysis
> at startup. My brain says "Go on, you can do this", but my body just
> will not respond. I can no longer ride a bike.
>
> I'm particularly worried because about ten years ago I abruptly lost the
> ability to mount an escalator. Unlike this occasion, it was not the
> result of an accident, but to this day escalators are such an issue to
> me that I have to go out of the way on my trips on the Paris metro to
> avoid them, and cannot use certain shops that have no elevators or
> stairs. I am sometimes able to get on an up-escalator (never a down),
> but it takes so long, and so much psych-up, and raises blood pressure so
> high, and keeps so many people waiting, that it is no longer worth it.
>
> Every time I think about biking now I have an anxiety attack, and I had
> anxiety dreams about biking all last night. I was delighted with a
> weather warning of black ice conditions because that gave me an excuse
> to come to work on foot and just not face the bikes today. (In fact, the
> morning was warm and there was no ice or snow). All the pleasure has
> gone out of it.
>
> Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of situation? I'm at loss
> what to do. I think this weekend I shall have to go back to the very
> first thing I ever did on a bike: put the seat way down to kiddie-height
> and try to balance her downhill without pedalling. But I trust neither
> bike: Behemoth is too difficult overall and Myrtille really needs to
> have her brakes softened before I will risk her again.
>
> EFR
> Depressed in Ile de France
>

I have never responded to one of your posts before (most of my thoughts were
better expressed by others), but I have followed you bicycle exploits since
you first started posting. Apparently, that is also when you started
riding. Your posts and the threads they started have been interesting and
informative. It is nice to see someone ask beginner-type questions and get
respectful answers. It must be your style which is open and honest. I
would miss you.

More unfortunate, would be your missing out on the joy of riding a bicycle.
If it's no longer a joy, for whatever reason, don't torture yourself. If
the reason is addressable, then do something about it. I have a fear of
heights. Since all of humanity has respect for heights, it's not easy to
distinguish an irrational fear from a healthy respect. But I know what I
have is more than healthy respect. My phobia is easy to live with. Not all
phobias are like that. Some deprive people of joy. I hope that's not you.

Ride on, if you can,
Don

01-27-2004, 04:47 AM

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 11:56:40 +0100, Elisa Francesca Roselli
<[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]> wrote:

>I'm very upset about this.
>
>Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of situation? I'm at loss
>what to do. I think this weekend I shall have to go back to the very
>first thing I ever did on a bike: put the seat way down to kiddie-height
>and try to balance her downhill without pedalling. But I trust neither
>bike: Behemoth is too difficult overall and Myrtille really needs to
>have her brakes softened before I will risk her again.
>
>EFR
>Depressed in Ile de France

I don't think there's much in the way of advice that one can give to
help, but a couple things.

Don't be in a hurry to 'label' it a phobia. When you do that, it kind
of locks in the fear cycle. Try to keep the mental ruminations low.
Don't force yourself to the point where you're having anxiety dreams,
IOW.

Go ahead and start simple, put the seat down, get back in there
gently.

Be assure we're all pulling for you and want to be kept apprised of
your situation, Elisa!

Best,

-Badger

01-27-2004, 04:54 AM

In article <[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]>,
[Only registered and activated users can see links. ] says...

....

> Has anyone here had to deal with this sort of situation? I'm at loss
> what to do. I think this weekend I shall have to go back to the very
> first thing I ever did on a bike: put the seat way down to kiddie-height
> and try to balance her downhill without pedalling. But I trust neither
> bike: Behemoth is too difficult overall and Myrtille really needs to
> have her brakes softened before I will risk her again.

Then get the brakes adjusted. If you're having trouble getting back
on, don't ride Behemoth for a while; he sounds too tough for your
present state of mind. Stick with the bike you know likes you, and
which you have confidence in your ability to ride.

--
Dave Kerber
Fight spam: remove the ns_ from the return address before replying!

REAL programmers write self-modifying code.

01-27-2004, 05:01 AM

EFR,

I am not familiar with your background in cycling, but I
would guess that you did not learn as a child, you learned
to ride as an adult, and it doesn't come naturally to you.

My situation is similar. I did not learn to ride a bike until
I was 49. That was 4 years ago. I used to run, but had
to stop due to knee problems. My cycling skills are poor.
I ride with both hands on the bars at all times, I sometimes
have difficulty starting on uphills and on steep downhills.
I avoid traffic, it makes me nervous. I only ride in warm
weather. My last ride last year was not a good one. It
was a bit cool, and I could not mount the bike on a
downhill, I had to walk to a flat spot to get on. Then I
came to a busy intersection and I was too nervous to
even start riding, so I walked to my car, about 100 yards
away, and that was it for the year.

But I really do want to become good at riding. So last
fall I bought rollers, and learned to ride them. It took me
about 3 months of almost daily riding to get relaxed with
riding rollers, to the point where I can sing instead of pray
that I won't fall off. Yesterday I did an hour on the rollers
and I felt great. I hope that when the weather warms up in
a few months and I go outside, that I will feel much more
comfortable on my bike.

I don't know what is best for you, but I wanted you to know
that you are not alone. Maybe you should just stop riding
outside for a few weeks or months. Maybe it would help
for you to learn to ride rollers. I didn't think I could learn
rollers when I started, but now that I have overcome that
I feel much better about the future.

Jack

01-27-2004, 05:58 AM

Badger South wrote:

> Don't be in a hurry to 'label' it a phobia. When you do that, it kind
> of locks in the fear cycle. Try to keep the mental ruminations low.
> Don't force yourself to the point where you're having anxiety dreams,
> IOW.

Yes, this is true. My colleague says that a bike will always sense your fear
and act up accordingly; like a dog. But then I have a friend who is persuaded
that "bikes have no malice". I'm not sure who I believe.

> Go ahead and start simple, put the seat down, get back in there
> gently.

What I'm not sure about is: should I force myself to get back into cycling as
soon as possible, or just put it out of my mind for a while and hope that a
beautiful morning and the memory of past pleasures will rekiindle the flame?
Either way could actually increase the aversion response, or overturn it. At
the moment I really don't want to cycle, but feel guilty, as though I'm
playing hookey. On the other hand, when I started last year, there were many
days when I had to force myself, and many days when I had to force myself to
scooting practice before that.

> Be assure we're all pulling for you and want to be kept apprised of
> your situation, Elisa!

Gosh, people are so nice here.

EFR
Ile de France

01-27-2004, 06:03 AM

Jack wrote:

> But I really do want to become good at riding. So last
> fall I bought rollers, and learned to ride them. It took me
> about 3 months of almost daily riding to get relaxed with
> riding rollers, to the point where I can sing instead of pray
> that I won't fall off.

What is rollers? I assumed you meant roller-blades but that doesn't
accord with what you say about biking.

I had to do two and a half years of kick-scooting before I dared try a
bike. I managed somehow never to fall on my kick-scooter. But I was
terrified out of my mind. Then the firm that had made my beautiful
scooter disappeared from contact and apparently went out of business
(they have since resurfaced). I could no longer order spare parts and
had no choice but to throw my heart into cycling.

My scooter had a wooden platform. Whenever evil or scary thoughts would
come, I had this ritual of touching the wood to banish them. But there
is nothing wooden on either of my bikes. I must perhaps carry a wooden
fetish to help with this.

> I did not learn to ride a bike until
> I was 49. That was 4 years ago.

I only started learning in November 2002. I was 46.

> I used to run, but had
> to stop due to knee problems.

Capricorn?

> My cycling skills are poor.
> I ride with both hands on the bars at all times, I sometimes
> have difficulty starting on uphills and on steep downhills.
> I avoid traffic, it makes me nervous. I only ride in warm
> weather.

I could have written all of the above, except that I have a strong
preference for cold dry weather, and won't ride in temperatures of over
30 Celsius. I still cannot signal because I lose balance if I try to
take one hand off the bars. With Behemoth, this was worse that ever,
even before the spills. I still consider myself very much in the
learning phase, which probably takes much longer with people who learn
as adults, as with languages.

> I don't know what is best for you, but I wanted you to know
> that you are not alone.

Kind of you. Thanks

EFR
Ile de France

01-27-2004, 06:41 AM

On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 16:03:33 +0100, Elisa Francesca Roselli
<[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]> wrote:

>
>What is rollers? I assumed you meant roller-blades but that doesn't
>accord with what you say about biking.

See: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Go down the page to "3. What about rollers?"

jeverett3<AT>earthlink<DOT>net [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

01-27-2004, 06:54 AM

"Remember, you're essentially riding a bike on a conveyor belt, and you
can fall off."

Yipes! Worst of all worlds, if you ask me. I think I'll stick to my
aero-magnetic exercycle for the moment. At least I can watch Buffy at the
same time.

EFR

John Everett wrote:

> See: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

01-27-2004, 06:57 AM

"Elisa Francesca Roselli" <[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]>
wrote in message news:[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]...
>
>
> Badger South wrote:
>
> > Don't be in a hurry to 'label' it a phobia. When you do that, it kind
> > of locks in the fear cycle. Try to keep the mental ruminations low.
> > Don't force yourself to the point where you're having anxiety dreams,
> > IOW.
>
> Yes, this is true. My colleague says that a bike will always sense your
fear
> and act up accordingly; like a dog. But then I have a friend who is
persuaded
> that "bikes have no malice". I'm not sure who I believe.

The bicycle is an inanimate object it's true, but I believe your first
friend was being a bit poetic and simply pointing out that your own fears
manifest themselves physically and effect the way the bicycle handles ...
like gripping the handlebars so tight you swerve all over the road, or
panicking and applying the brakes too hard.

My best friends mother suffers from anxiety attacks and I've had to deal
with it since I was a kid. She refuses to seek treatment or to take
medication, so over the years her anxiety has evolved from simply
overreacting ... like being afraid of getting hit by lightning when she
hears thunder ... to where she barely leaves the house now. She has let her
fears control her to the point where her mind "invents" things to be afraid
of ... she is convinced now that she has terminal cancer for example.

I hope you're not offended but you can see why this concerns me. You
mentioned in another post how you avoid escalators now ... how you *have* to
avoid escalators. When anxiety attacks get to the point where they affect
everyday life and force you to change behavior ... well, that's not good. I
hope at this point you would consider talking to someone professionally
about it. It could make a world of difference.

Take care, and I hope you can get past this soon!

C.Q.C.